Beatness of it All

Wednesday. Hump Day. I am dealing with lack of motivation, laziness and shades of blueness. Where did my inspiration go? Even as I write this I am having pauses of thought. What to say...

Since I moved into my little house I decided not to get cable. So no television for me. Trying to let go of another addiction.

Instead I have been going to our local libraries: The Avenue, EP Foster & Oxnard. There I have found the audio/visual section. There is a plethora of DVDs, Books on CD & Music to borrow. So among the stacks at the library I have been searching for inspiration. It's worked before.

After watching Amadeus 3 times I checked out Cd's of Mozart, Bach, Beethoven, Handel & Vivaldi. A little comparison listening. Very nice. I woke up to Mozart on my clock/radio/cd thingie for a week.

During my commute to and from Santa Barbara I have been listening to books on CD. My current book is "On the Road" by Jack Kerouac, a book I read 20 years ago and was deeply inspired. When I saw it on the shelf at EP Foster I thought it would spark something.

It is narrated my Matt Dillon who has the perfect gravely voice for Saul Paradise. And his voice for Dean Moriarty is spot on. I am impressed with the lyrical descriptions of our country and it's people. And even though it was written in the late forties, these characters are timeless.

The first 3 discs got me all revved up to hit the road. I felt a little spark of hope. I love the road like Kerouac loved it. Minus the booze and drugs. That was what hit me in the following discs: these guys were drug feinds. Dean Moriarty was a whirling dervish in his Benzedrine dreams of jazz.

The other thing that hit me was the women in the book. Their main role was sex toy and caretaker. Barely a sidekick or participant. I wonder what their stories might be. I hope it was more than abandonment and heartbreak. 20 years ago when I read the book I identified more with the 2 male characters. I was driven by the visuals and description of the jazz and the beatness of it all. Now... I guess I still relate with Saul Paradise as a person and his observations but I also see that as a woman I would probably have been one of the girlfriends on the fringe left in a truck stop somewhere on the road.

I also wonder how their road trip would have been had they been sober. Not boring & serious - but not under the influence of booze and drugs. I wonder.

So I am On the Road again, my path, my journey. Looking for inspiration wherever I can find it.